Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
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