that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
