I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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