My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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