Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
