Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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