i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
