You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
