Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
