So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
