All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
