Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
