Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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