I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
