Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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