oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
