did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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