What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
