Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
