normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
