Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
