dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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