He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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