Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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