I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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