I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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