Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
