But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I woke up under a house in Key West
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
