sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
