I didn't shave. On purpose
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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