Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
