Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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