At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
