yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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