Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
