if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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