She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
as a side note pls kill me
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