Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
