It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
