So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
