the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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