I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
