I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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