I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
