Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
