So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
