Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
