marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
