it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
