Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
