She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
