I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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