Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
