The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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