I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
