I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize