i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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