Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
