Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just invented taco cereal.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
