Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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