what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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