giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
