so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
