Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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