I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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