whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
