Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
