Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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