No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
