I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
